Fears

So today in geography the 10th grade counselors came to talk to us about registration. During that presentation, at least half of it was talking about the ACT, SAT, and countless more tests that will help you get into college. The lady asked a ton of kids where they want to go to college, if they want to go to a four year college, what they want to major in, etc. All the kids she asked had answers.

Then there was me.

I have no clue what I want to do yet, and I'm completely and utterly terrified of that. I'm scared of growing up, and scared of what comes after high school when I am on my own.

 All these "what if" questions constantly run through my brain, and I'm scared of them. It sounds so dumb, and cliche, but it's true... I'm scared to grow up.

During geography when I started thinking about this, I somehow got the idea to write my blog post of things that scare me... so here you go, things that I am afraid of:

(btw... sorry I only have quotes for pictures I don't know what other pictures I would post...)

1. Growing up (that's an obvious one if you read the first part of this post).... Again, this sounds incredibly cliche, but I want to be a teenager forever. I don't want to have to deal with paying bills and worrying about taking care of my future family. I want to be able to go to school and talk to all my friends and the only worries I will have is about silly drama and my grades. I want to have fun with all my friends on the weekend and not have a curfew. But I think that the part about growing up that scares me the most is that I can't stop it. I can't control what's going to happen to me and there's no way around it.

2. Losing people I love... when I think about losing someone that I love, I don't exclude that to just family. I include all my friends and basically everyone that I talk to on a regular basis. I know first hand what it's like to lose someone, and I know of at least 3 people my age who do too, and it sucks. It's terrifying knowing that one minute you can be talking and laughing with someone, and literally the next minute you would never be able to talk to them again. Never.

3. Graduation...  I'm never going to see half the kids that I have seen every day of life for more than 4 years again. And I'm probably not going to talk to most of them again either. I don't want to forget about everyone who helped me to find my way throughout high school and I don't want them to forget about me.

3. Death....  I am afraid of death, and also afraid of dying young. Not getting to live my life. I am religious, but just like any normal person I wonder about things. What if there is no God? What if when you die, you don't go to heaven or hell, you just simply die. A black pit of nothing for eternity.

4. The dark/paranormal stuff.... Not gonna lie. I still sleep with a night light. This is such a childish fear, but honestly the dark scares me so much. There could be anything hiding in the dark corner of your closet and you would never know. Kinda like how there could be a ghost standing right behind you right now, but you would have no clue.

5. I have no purpose... What if I wasn't put here on this Earth for any good reason? Maybe I'm really am just part of the big bang aftermath with no God that put me here. I grow up, get old, and die. What if there's nothing else to it? I'm not here on some special mission, and I will never find out the meaning of life.


So there you have it. Just a few things that I'm afraid of. Sorry if that was too deep for ya.